Stop Raising Christian Consumers
Why Chasing the Next Church Event May Be Teaching Our Children
the Wrong Lesson
There is a sacred cow in many evangelical homes that may need to be challenged.
The issue is not the most important question facing the church. Nor should it become another rule by which Christians measure one another’s faithfulness. Vacation Bible schools are not inherently bad. Youth groups are not inherently bad. Choir programs, summer camps, and children’s events are not inherently bad. Many
of these ministries have accomplished genuine good.
But there is a common practice surrounding them that deserves more careful thought: constantly chauffeuring our children from church to church in search of the next program, activity, or event.
Why should this concern us? Because without realizing it, we may be cultivating in our children one of the most dangerous habits in modern Christianity: consumerism.
And if one of our great responsibilities is to raise up the next generation for the glory of Christ, then we must take seriously anything that trains our children to think that local church life is simply about what they can get rather than what they can give.
Christianity Is Not About Me
The message of consumerism is simple: Everything revolves around me. What do I like? What do I prefer? What makes me comfortable? What interests me? What can this church offer me?
But this mentality runs directly against the pattern of the New Testament.
Paul writes: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)
Again: “Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.” (1 Corinthians 10:24)
And: “Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” (Romans 15:2)
The Christian life is fundamentally outward-facing. Christians are called to give, sacrifice, serve, build up, and pour themselves out for others. Near the end of his life, Paul could say: “For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:6–7)
Isn't that what Christian parents ultimately want for their children? We do not merely want children who remain vaguely interested in Christianity. We want sons and daughters who can reach the end of their lives and say, I poured myself out for Christ. I fought the good fight. I finished the race. I kept the faith.
That kind of person must be formed. And consumerism forms exactly the opposite.
When Discipleship Becomes an Event
Many Christians grew up with an event-oriented model of discipleship. How do you keep young people interested in church? Give them activities. Plan exciting events.
Build a great youth program. Make church entertaining enough that they will want to come back.
For a while, this can give the appearance of success. Events can create friendships, strengthen relationships, and provide opportunities for teaching and fellowship. There is nothing wrong with events.
The problem comes when events move from being a supplement to discipleship to becoming its center. Scripture gives parents a much more ordinary picture of how children are formed. Moses tells Israel to teach God's words diligently to their children: “You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (Deuteronomy 6:7)
That is remarkably unimpressive by modern standards. Sit in your house. Walk along the road. Lie down. Get up. In other words, biblical discipleship happens primarily through the ordinary rhythms of faithful Christian life. Parents teach their children the Word of God. Families worship with the church. Christians live alongside one another. Older believers invest in younger believers. Children watch their parents serve, sacrifice, forgive, give, pray, and persevere. Events can help that work. They cannot replace it.
Someone Will Always Out-Event You
There is another weakness in event-centered discipleship: someone will always have a better event. One church has a youth activity. Another church has a bigger one.
One has games. Another has inflatables. One has a good youth room. Another has lights, fog machines, a stage, and hundreds of teenagers.
If children are trained to evaluate church according to the quality of its events, we should not be surprised when they eventually choose churches according to the same standard.
The problem is not the fog machine. The problem is the heart we may inadvertently be training them to have. We teach them to ask: What does this church have for me?
Is there something more exciting somewhere else? Where are my friends going?
Which church has the better program? And eventually the same child becomes an adult who asks: Does this church have the music I like? Does it have enough programs for my family? Does the preaching fit my preferences? Are there enough people my age? Is there another church nearby that can offer me more?
We should not be surprised when consumer children become consumer adults.
“But We Should Support Other Churches”
One objection is that Christians should have relationships with other faithful churches. Absolutely. No local church is the kingdom of God by itself. Faithful churches should pray for one another, cooperate when appropriate, encourage one another, and rejoice when Christ's kingdom advances through another congregation.
But we should be careful not to baptize consumerism with the language of Christian unity. Are we actually supporting this other church? Do we know its pastors?
Do we pray for its ministry? Is there a meaningful partnership between our churches?
Are we serving them in some way? Or does this church simply happen to provide a convenient activity for our children?
There is an enormous difference between partnership and consumption.
Christian unity asks, How can we serve alongside these brothers and sisters?
Consumerism asks, What can their church provide for us? We should be honest enough to recognize the difference.
“But I Checked Their Statement of Faith”
Another response is, “I checked the church's statement of faith, and it is sound.”
Good. Parents absolutely should know what a church believes before entrusting their children to its ministry. Sending children into a ministry without knowing what that ministry teaches is dangerous.
But checking a doctrinal statement does not resolve the larger concern. First, doctrinal statements do not always reveal a church's philosophy of ministry, culture, or practical priorities. Two churches may have nearly identical statements of faith while possessing significantly different visions for discipleship, worship, family, and church life.
More importantly, even if every church involved is doctrinally sound, constantly moving our children from ministry to ministry can still teach them to approach church as consumers. The question is not merely, Is this event orthodox? The deeper question is, What habits and loves are we cultivating in our children through the pattern of our family life?
“But Our Church Doesn't Offer That”
This may be the most revealing objection: “But our church doesn't offer that.”
Perhaps it doesn’t. And perhaps that is okay. No church can offer everything. A church does not need to provide every activity its members might enjoy. In fact, there may be wisdom in deliberately refusing to build church life around a never-ending calendar of programs.
Imagine a mother who has spent the afternoon preparing dinner for her family. She planned the meal, bought the groceries, worked in the kitchen, set the table, and called everyone together to eat. Just as everyone is sitting down, her son announces, “I'm going next door for dinner.” His mother asks why. “Because they're having pizza.”
Most parents would immediately recognize something wrong with that scene.
The problem is not pizza. There is nothing wrong with pizza. There is nothing wrong with the neighbors. There may even be occasions when the neighbors invite the child over and the parents gladly send him. The problem is the attitude: I looked at what my family was offering, looked at what someone else was offering, and decided I preferred theirs. It would be rude. It would be ungrateful. And if it became a pattern, a wise parent would become concerned about what was happening in the child's heart.
Yet Christians can sometimes treat the local church in much the same way.
Brothers and sisters in their own congregation are investing their time, energy, money, and love into the life of the church. Someone prepared the lesson. Someone organized the activity. Someone cleaned the room. Someone prayed for our children. Someone gave up an evening to serve them. And then we look down the street and say, in effect, “Yes, but they're having pizza.” Their VBS is bigger. Their youth group has more kids. Their children's program has better games. Their summer event looks more exciting.
Again, the problem is not that another church is doing something good. Praise God for faithful churches doing faithful ministry. The question is what we are teaching our children about belonging. A family does not cease to be your family because the neighbors are having a better dinner. And your church does not cease to be your church because the congregation down the road is offering a more exciting event.
There is something formative about learning to love what is ours, to appreciate the sacrifices of the people God has placed around us, and even to contribute when what we have is not as impressive as what someone else has.
The church's inability to satisfy every preference may therefore provide parents with an opportunity to teach their children something precious: You do not exist to be served by the church. You are part of the church so that together we may worship Christ and serve one another.
That changes the question entirely. Instead of asking, “Why doesn't our church have something for my children?” perhaps we should occasionally ask, “What can our family contribute to the life of our church?”
What If We Created Community Instead?
Suppose your children need something to do this summer. They want to see friends. You want them around other Christian children. Those are perfectly reasonable
desires.
So invite some families over. Let the children play in the backyard. Make lunch. Read them a Bible story. Invite a lonely child who might otherwise be overlooked. Organize a simple afternoon at the park. Ask another family what would encourage them.
Yes, that is more difficult than dropping your children off at someone else's professionally organized program. But perhaps that is precisely the point. Church life is not fundamentally about convenience. We are raising children whom we hope will one day say, “I have been poured out as a drink offering.” They will learn that life partly by watching their parents pour themselves out.
Teach Children to Love Their Church
This becomes especially important when people within your own church are making an effort to serve your children. Maybe the event is smaller. Maybe it isn't as polished. Maybe another church has better facilities, better advertising, more activities, and more children.
But someone in your congregation prepared a lesson. Someone bought supplies.
Someone cleaned a room. Someone prayed for your children. Someone sacrificed an evening because he or she loves the families of the church.
There is something valuable about teaching children to appreciate that sacrifice rather than teaching them to look over the fence for something bigger.
The local church is not a religious vendor. It is a body. And members of a body belong to one another. Sometimes loving your church means enjoying what it provides. Sometimes it means serving when there is nothing particularly exciting for you. Sometimes it means helping build the community you wish existed rather than leaving to consume one somebody else has built.
Raise Children Who Pour Themselves Out
The danger of consumer Christianity is greater than any particular children's event.
It is the assumption beneath it: My desires should be satisfied. My preferences should be accommodated. My children should be entertained. Someone should provide something for us.
Christian parents should desire something radically different. Raise children who notice the lonely. Raise children who stay and help clean up. Raise children who can enjoy something simple. Raise children who do not need to be constantly entertained. Raise children who love their congregation even when another church has something bigger. Raise children who ask not merely, “What does the church have for me?” but, “What can I do for the church?”
Most importantly, model that life before them. Let them see parents who inconvenience themselves for other Christians. Let them see hospitality that
costs something. Let them see faithfulness when something more exciting is available elsewhere. Let them see Mom and Dad serving instead of consuming.
Events are not the enemy. Other churches are not the enemy. Christian fellowship outside one's congregation is not the problem. Consumerism is.
So the goal is not to create another legalistic rule: Thou shalt never attend another church's VBS. The goal is to examine the habits we are cultivating in our homes.
We should be far less concerned with whether our children are sufficiently entertained and far more concerned with whether they are becoming the kinds of Christians who gladly spend themselves for Christ and His people.
One day, we hope they will reach the end of their lives with something much greater to say than, “I found churches that met my needs.” May they instead be able to say with Paul: “I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.”
the Wrong Lesson
There is a sacred cow in many evangelical homes that may need to be challenged.
The issue is not the most important question facing the church. Nor should it become another rule by which Christians measure one another’s faithfulness. Vacation Bible schools are not inherently bad. Youth groups are not inherently bad. Choir programs, summer camps, and children’s events are not inherently bad. Many
of these ministries have accomplished genuine good.
But there is a common practice surrounding them that deserves more careful thought: constantly chauffeuring our children from church to church in search of the next program, activity, or event.
Why should this concern us? Because without realizing it, we may be cultivating in our children one of the most dangerous habits in modern Christianity: consumerism.
And if one of our great responsibilities is to raise up the next generation for the glory of Christ, then we must take seriously anything that trains our children to think that local church life is simply about what they can get rather than what they can give.
Christianity Is Not About Me
The message of consumerism is simple: Everything revolves around me. What do I like? What do I prefer? What makes me comfortable? What interests me? What can this church offer me?
But this mentality runs directly against the pattern of the New Testament.
Paul writes: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)
Again: “Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.” (1 Corinthians 10:24)
And: “Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” (Romans 15:2)
The Christian life is fundamentally outward-facing. Christians are called to give, sacrifice, serve, build up, and pour themselves out for others. Near the end of his life, Paul could say: “For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:6–7)
Isn't that what Christian parents ultimately want for their children? We do not merely want children who remain vaguely interested in Christianity. We want sons and daughters who can reach the end of their lives and say, I poured myself out for Christ. I fought the good fight. I finished the race. I kept the faith.
That kind of person must be formed. And consumerism forms exactly the opposite.
When Discipleship Becomes an Event
Many Christians grew up with an event-oriented model of discipleship. How do you keep young people interested in church? Give them activities. Plan exciting events.
Build a great youth program. Make church entertaining enough that they will want to come back.
For a while, this can give the appearance of success. Events can create friendships, strengthen relationships, and provide opportunities for teaching and fellowship. There is nothing wrong with events.
The problem comes when events move from being a supplement to discipleship to becoming its center. Scripture gives parents a much more ordinary picture of how children are formed. Moses tells Israel to teach God's words diligently to their children: “You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (Deuteronomy 6:7)
That is remarkably unimpressive by modern standards. Sit in your house. Walk along the road. Lie down. Get up. In other words, biblical discipleship happens primarily through the ordinary rhythms of faithful Christian life. Parents teach their children the Word of God. Families worship with the church. Christians live alongside one another. Older believers invest in younger believers. Children watch their parents serve, sacrifice, forgive, give, pray, and persevere. Events can help that work. They cannot replace it.
Someone Will Always Out-Event You
There is another weakness in event-centered discipleship: someone will always have a better event. One church has a youth activity. Another church has a bigger one.
One has games. Another has inflatables. One has a good youth room. Another has lights, fog machines, a stage, and hundreds of teenagers.
If children are trained to evaluate church according to the quality of its events, we should not be surprised when they eventually choose churches according to the same standard.
The problem is not the fog machine. The problem is the heart we may inadvertently be training them to have. We teach them to ask: What does this church have for me?
Is there something more exciting somewhere else? Where are my friends going?
Which church has the better program? And eventually the same child becomes an adult who asks: Does this church have the music I like? Does it have enough programs for my family? Does the preaching fit my preferences? Are there enough people my age? Is there another church nearby that can offer me more?
We should not be surprised when consumer children become consumer adults.
“But We Should Support Other Churches”
One objection is that Christians should have relationships with other faithful churches. Absolutely. No local church is the kingdom of God by itself. Faithful churches should pray for one another, cooperate when appropriate, encourage one another, and rejoice when Christ's kingdom advances through another congregation.
But we should be careful not to baptize consumerism with the language of Christian unity. Are we actually supporting this other church? Do we know its pastors?
Do we pray for its ministry? Is there a meaningful partnership between our churches?
Are we serving them in some way? Or does this church simply happen to provide a convenient activity for our children?
There is an enormous difference between partnership and consumption.
Christian unity asks, How can we serve alongside these brothers and sisters?
Consumerism asks, What can their church provide for us? We should be honest enough to recognize the difference.
“But I Checked Their Statement of Faith”
Another response is, “I checked the church's statement of faith, and it is sound.”
Good. Parents absolutely should know what a church believes before entrusting their children to its ministry. Sending children into a ministry without knowing what that ministry teaches is dangerous.
But checking a doctrinal statement does not resolve the larger concern. First, doctrinal statements do not always reveal a church's philosophy of ministry, culture, or practical priorities. Two churches may have nearly identical statements of faith while possessing significantly different visions for discipleship, worship, family, and church life.
More importantly, even if every church involved is doctrinally sound, constantly moving our children from ministry to ministry can still teach them to approach church as consumers. The question is not merely, Is this event orthodox? The deeper question is, What habits and loves are we cultivating in our children through the pattern of our family life?
“But Our Church Doesn't Offer That”
This may be the most revealing objection: “But our church doesn't offer that.”
Perhaps it doesn’t. And perhaps that is okay. No church can offer everything. A church does not need to provide every activity its members might enjoy. In fact, there may be wisdom in deliberately refusing to build church life around a never-ending calendar of programs.
Imagine a mother who has spent the afternoon preparing dinner for her family. She planned the meal, bought the groceries, worked in the kitchen, set the table, and called everyone together to eat. Just as everyone is sitting down, her son announces, “I'm going next door for dinner.” His mother asks why. “Because they're having pizza.”
Most parents would immediately recognize something wrong with that scene.
The problem is not pizza. There is nothing wrong with pizza. There is nothing wrong with the neighbors. There may even be occasions when the neighbors invite the child over and the parents gladly send him. The problem is the attitude: I looked at what my family was offering, looked at what someone else was offering, and decided I preferred theirs. It would be rude. It would be ungrateful. And if it became a pattern, a wise parent would become concerned about what was happening in the child's heart.
Yet Christians can sometimes treat the local church in much the same way.
Brothers and sisters in their own congregation are investing their time, energy, money, and love into the life of the church. Someone prepared the lesson. Someone organized the activity. Someone cleaned the room. Someone prayed for our children. Someone gave up an evening to serve them. And then we look down the street and say, in effect, “Yes, but they're having pizza.” Their VBS is bigger. Their youth group has more kids. Their children's program has better games. Their summer event looks more exciting.
Again, the problem is not that another church is doing something good. Praise God for faithful churches doing faithful ministry. The question is what we are teaching our children about belonging. A family does not cease to be your family because the neighbors are having a better dinner. And your church does not cease to be your church because the congregation down the road is offering a more exciting event.
There is something formative about learning to love what is ours, to appreciate the sacrifices of the people God has placed around us, and even to contribute when what we have is not as impressive as what someone else has.
The church's inability to satisfy every preference may therefore provide parents with an opportunity to teach their children something precious: You do not exist to be served by the church. You are part of the church so that together we may worship Christ and serve one another.
That changes the question entirely. Instead of asking, “Why doesn't our church have something for my children?” perhaps we should occasionally ask, “What can our family contribute to the life of our church?”
What If We Created Community Instead?
Suppose your children need something to do this summer. They want to see friends. You want them around other Christian children. Those are perfectly reasonable
desires.
So invite some families over. Let the children play in the backyard. Make lunch. Read them a Bible story. Invite a lonely child who might otherwise be overlooked. Organize a simple afternoon at the park. Ask another family what would encourage them.
Yes, that is more difficult than dropping your children off at someone else's professionally organized program. But perhaps that is precisely the point. Church life is not fundamentally about convenience. We are raising children whom we hope will one day say, “I have been poured out as a drink offering.” They will learn that life partly by watching their parents pour themselves out.
Teach Children to Love Their Church
This becomes especially important when people within your own church are making an effort to serve your children. Maybe the event is smaller. Maybe it isn't as polished. Maybe another church has better facilities, better advertising, more activities, and more children.
But someone in your congregation prepared a lesson. Someone bought supplies.
Someone cleaned a room. Someone prayed for your children. Someone sacrificed an evening because he or she loves the families of the church.
There is something valuable about teaching children to appreciate that sacrifice rather than teaching them to look over the fence for something bigger.
The local church is not a religious vendor. It is a body. And members of a body belong to one another. Sometimes loving your church means enjoying what it provides. Sometimes it means serving when there is nothing particularly exciting for you. Sometimes it means helping build the community you wish existed rather than leaving to consume one somebody else has built.
Raise Children Who Pour Themselves Out
The danger of consumer Christianity is greater than any particular children's event.
It is the assumption beneath it: My desires should be satisfied. My preferences should be accommodated. My children should be entertained. Someone should provide something for us.
Christian parents should desire something radically different. Raise children who notice the lonely. Raise children who stay and help clean up. Raise children who can enjoy something simple. Raise children who do not need to be constantly entertained. Raise children who love their congregation even when another church has something bigger. Raise children who ask not merely, “What does the church have for me?” but, “What can I do for the church?”
Most importantly, model that life before them. Let them see parents who inconvenience themselves for other Christians. Let them see hospitality that
costs something. Let them see faithfulness when something more exciting is available elsewhere. Let them see Mom and Dad serving instead of consuming.
Events are not the enemy. Other churches are not the enemy. Christian fellowship outside one's congregation is not the problem. Consumerism is.
So the goal is not to create another legalistic rule: Thou shalt never attend another church's VBS. The goal is to examine the habits we are cultivating in our homes.
We should be far less concerned with whether our children are sufficiently entertained and far more concerned with whether they are becoming the kinds of Christians who gladly spend themselves for Christ and His people.
One day, we hope they will reach the end of their lives with something much greater to say than, “I found churches that met my needs.” May they instead be able to say with Paul: “I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.”